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Hands Across Ed/Script
Jimmy: "Sarah!" is being dragged across the yard, as if something is tugging on his retainer. Jimmy: "Aah!" hits a fence and is out like a light. "What rotten luck." Rolf: at the searching brace "Please tell Rolf his eyes do not lie. Hello?" Kevin: "What?" a wrench forces itself out of his pocket and falls straight up. "Hey!" wrench is followed, in short order, by a bike pump and a radio. Rolf: "It is the curse of the sirens in the hungry tree!" it is the curse of the greedy Eds in a tree with a giant magnet. Eddy: "Where's the cash?" Edd: "Strange, my electromagnet seems to be averse to certain metal alloys." Ed: "Let's get funky!" turns the radio on. Eddy: "They'll hear us!" Edd: "Ed, please, not now!" and Eddy furiously try to find a way to turn the radio off. Rolf: "The sirens call upon us!" gold horseshoe necklace levitates. "We must do the belly bump, as it is the only way to please the tree!" Kevin's radio falls on Kevin's head. Rolf: "I am Rolf, son of a shepherd." Ed: with a cassette "I can tie my shoes, Eddy!" Eddy: "Looks like the knot in your head, Ed." sticks his shoe out to show Eddy and kicks his friend off the tree. The magnet descends, hitting Rolf. Rolf is then hit by Eddy, Ed, and finally Edd. Rolf: confused "Ed-boys?" Kevin: "Let's pound 'em, Rolf!" Rolf: "Rolf is not amused, you...how you say...ducks?" Kevin: "Dorks!" Rolf: "Yes! That is what I said." Kevin: "Nah, you said–" Rolf: "Ducks! See, ducks!" Eddy: nervous "Uh, Rolf! Kevin! Hate to interrupt, so–" and his friends run away. Kevin: "Get back here." ---- Eds run into the junkyard. Eddy: "Quick! Scatter!" Eds split up. Kevin: " A knuckle sandwich, eh Rolf?" Rolf: "No thank you, I am not hungry." Edd: a giant tire "Oh dear. I deplore physical altercations. Hide, I must–" hands take him by the ankles. Eddy hauls Edd into the tire, where they hide. Rolf: "I think I saw the ducks run here!" Kevin: by the tire "Dorks Rolf, dorks." Rolf: "Dorks do not quack, Kevin." Kevin: "Whatever. Let's find them." and Rolf run off. Eddy: up "Suckers. Hey Ed! Ed! C'mon out, it's all clear!" pops up from a pile of garbage wearing a ratty top hat. Ed: "Hi Eddy!" Eddy: snickering "Nice hat, Ed." Ed: "I'm fancy! Look at me." takes out an umbrella. "Okay. A-one, and a-two, and a–" dances around the umbrella, a stupid look on his face. Edd and Eddy laugh. Eddy: "Touch your toe to your nose!" Ed: "Like this?" takes off his shoe and presses his big toe to his nose. Eddy: "Good one, Ed! Now hop forward! Keep going!" hops off the edge of the platform. "You gotta love him." Edd: applauding "Ed could be on TV, don't you think Eddy?" Eddy: "It's all in the directing, Double D." Ed: "Eddy is Mister Showbiz!" Eddy: angry "I'll give you Mister–" strikes "–Showbiz! Big cash in showbiz." Edd: "There's no business like it." Eddy: "Lights. Camera. Bingo." ---- kids are playing in the lane. Nazz: "Look, guys!" Jimmy: "Runaway rug!" Sarah: "Look out!" red carpet comes bounding down the lane, unfolding as it goes. When it's finished, Ed is shown filming Edd and Eddy. Edd: "Here we are on location with Renaissance man Mr. Eddy. Mr. Eddy, how about a scoop?" Eddy: "Lemme tell ya, I'll be hosting and directing the cul-de-sac's first ever–" shoves his head in front of the camera. Eddy: "Uh... Hey Jonny. Use it or lose it." pushes Jonny out of the way. "First-ever TV show! It'll have glitz, tinsel, and TV cameras!" Kevin: "Glitz?" Sarah: "Tinsel?" Jimmy: "TV cameras!" Ed: "Makeup." turns the camera to tape the kids. Jimmy: "I'm on TV!" Sarah: "Hi Mom!" Jonny: "Smile, Plank!" Rolf: "Hello Victor!" Jimmy: "See me, television land?" Kevin: pointed at his legs "Hey, I'm up here, ya–" Nazz: "Hey, I'm Nazz." Eddy: "Cut. Save the film for the big stars, Ed." Edd: "Care to name-drop, Mr. Eddy?" Eddy: "Can't talk about it. Legal stuff. But I'll be holding auditions for local talent." Edd: "Now that's entertainment." Jonny: "Let's rehearse, Plank." Jimmy: "I'll be famous." kids, with the exception of Kevin, cheer and run off to practice. Kevin: "Here's my audition." blows a raspberry. "Losers!" leaves. Eddy: "Prima donna. After our show, we'll be rolling in jawbreakers!" Ed: "Rolling, Mr. Eddy!" rolls up the carpet. ---- Edd: a spotlight on Jonny and Plank "Auditioning: Jonny Two By Four and Plank." Eddy: "Anytime you're ready, kid." Jonny: "Plank tells jokes! Knock 'em dead, buddy." Plank: laughs. Jonny: "Oh that's a good one! You're killing me!" laughs with him. Eddy: "Next!" doesn't move. "C'mon, we don't have all day." Nazz: "Hi guys. I'm here to audition!" has with her a tuba. The Eds all start to sweat, amazed by her beauty. Nazz puts her mouth to the tuba and blows a horrendous note. The note sounds like ten cars all at once blew their horns at one another. Edd: "Oh...bravo." Nazz: "That was fun!" Eddy: "Sign her up, Double D!" Edd: whispering "Sign her up? Nazz single-handedly annihilated all that is music!" Eddy: dreamily "Yeah." Rolf: "Hello? I will be performing my country's traditional 'Dance of the Hairless Otter.'" Eddy: Rolf can start "Next!" to Edd "There's no budget for subtitles." Sarah: obnoxiously "Ready!" Eddy: "Who invited them? Okay, c'mon, c'mon, time is money." twangs his retainer while Sarah begins to dance. Ed: "I've got gourd stuck in my teeth." Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy!" begins to twang a banjo and sing while she dances to Jimmy's beat. Eddy: "Stop the music!" pulls Jimmy away. "See the star on that door? That's for stars! And you're a star, baby! Lose the amateur, and you'll be a household product." looks back and forth from the door with a star to Sarah. Jimmy: "I wanna be a star!" Sarah: "Hey!" Eddy: "AUDITIONS ARE CLOSED!" sticks her pinky in her ear. ---- Jonny, Plank, Rolf, and Kevin are sitting on a bench, waiting for the show to begin. Kevin: "De-ja vu." curtains rise, and Eddy leaps onto a table placed onstage. Eddy: "Hello, and welcome to the first ever Ed telethon! We've got loads of talent, and our operators are standing by to take your money!" spotlight shines on Edd, who is standing by a phone. "I mean, pledges. Yes, it's all about raising money for Ed's eyebrow operation." Kevin: "Aw, here we go." Eddy: mournfully "Find it in your hearts to give and help us reach our goal." goal is $5.00. Eddy: "Without your pledges, Ed's eyebrow could spread all over his body." Ed "Body, stupid, body!" Ed: "Oh yeah." lifts his shirt to reveal a fake mustache has been placed on his belly. Eddy: "Oh no! It's started!" Rolf: "Did you see it move?" Jonny: tearfully "Who knew?" Eddy: "Okay, let's start the show." Kevin: "It's about time!" Eddy: "Please, give it up for that tuba diva, Nazz!" kids cheer, and Nazz bows. When she does this, the tuba moves to catch Eddy in its horn. Nazz: "Thanks, guys!" straightens up, revealing that Eddy is stuck in the horn. Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!" blows a note more horrendous than the one she blew at the audition. Eddy comes unstuck and flies through the air, propelled by the force of the air escaping Nazz's body. Ed: "Nazz is good." lands. Nazz: "You okay, Eddy? We should jam sometime!" tries to speak, but his tongue becomes a knot. Kevin: "Whassa matter, dork? Can't talk to girls?" kids laugh. Eddy: "Let's go to the phones!" stands by the phone. "Ed." hustles backstage. Edd: "A phone call should come up anytime." Kevin: heckling "Like my lunch!" wave of laughter greets this remark. Eddy: "And now, ladies & germs, Mr. Magic himself, the great Jimbo!" does not appear onstage. Sarah: "Yay!" Jonny: "Yay!" Kevin: "Snoresville." Rolf: "Amaze me." Edd: to Jimmy "Hurry Jimmy please!" Jimmy: about his wardrobe "My feather! It won't stay up! It's limp!" Eddy: with Edd "Where's Jimmy?" Edd: "A plume predicament." The Kids: cheering "Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!" Eddy: "Get out there, and stall them!" pushes Edd into the spotlight. Kevin: "Hey, look! Jimmy turned himself into a dork!" Edd: with stage fright "Oh dear. There go the lights." Kevin: "This show heaves!" phone rings. Eddy: "A pledge!" up the phone "Ed telethon." Ed: in a fridge "Eddy, do you keep donations in the fridge?" hangs up angrily. Sarah: "Yay, Jimmy!" has finally appeared onstage. Jimmy: "For my first trick, I will make a flower magically bloom from a pot of soil. Say the magic words! Bubbly bubbly boo." flowers bloom from inside his shirt. "Huh?" Eddy: "Oh, he's laying an egg!" Jimmy: "Could I get a volunteer, please?" and Sarah both indicate they'd like to be picked. Jimmy: "Okay, Sar–" Rolf: "Prove to Rolf your powers are true!" Kevin: "Thataboy, Rolf!" Jimmy: "I will now saw Rolf in–" box falls apart, much to his consternation and Kevin's enjoyment. Kevin: "My gut's killing me!" Jimmy: "But I'm a star." runs offstage. On the way, he trips on the microphone wire and runs into the pledge board. Sarah: worried "Jimmy?" Kevin: "C'mon, who's on deck?" phone rings. Eddy: it up "Ed telethon." Ed: a hole he dug in Eddy's living room floor "Are donations bigger than a breadbox?" slams the phone down. Kevin: "This telethon stinks!" Rolf: "Ya, I smell it!" Eddy: "Yeah? Well you're a–" Kevin: Eddy "Ooh, welcome to the Dork telethon. I'm your twerp host Eddy. Won't you please help my poor hairy friend?" Rolf: "Ya, please help me, for my eyebrow is growing like a garden weed!" kids all laugh. Rolf: "Let us do our own show!" Kevin: "Good idea, Rolf." Rolf: "Bye bye, Ed-boys!" Jonny: "Wait up, guys!" audience leaves. Eddy: "They stole our audience, Double D!" Edd: "The bigger you are, the harder you fall." Ed: colander on his head "Is this a donation?" Eddy: "Ed's big." leaps on Ed. ---- Nazz, Sarah, and a heavily bandaged Jimmy are laughing at the show being put on in front of them. Rolf: howling "I'm the hairless otter, and I must eat chickens!" Kevin: a broom and a pillow in his shirt "Hey, you bag of flesh!" howls. "Let's dance! Kerpow!" Rolf: to be wounded "Oh! Oh, my otter heart! It has been struck. Ah ha! You missed, Reconnaissance Kevin!" Kevin: "Stupid broom!" clamps his jaw around Kevin. "Ah! I'm otter bait!" kids cheer and then throw coins at the performers. Rolf and Kevin thank them. The Eds peer over a fence. Eddy: "That's our money they're throwing!" Ed: "Can I go over and watch?" Eddy: "Why bother? They'll be coming to us." Eds duck below the fence. Reappearing with the giant magnet "Hey, Romeo and Juliet! Who's laughing now? Full power, Double D!" Edd: "Powering up, Eddy!" Ed: "It floats." magnet suddenly turns around and drags them to a dumpster. They hang there, stuck to its surface. Eddy: "Double D?" Edd: "Silly me, it appears I put the batteries in backwards." Eddy: "You sure haven't been on the ball lately, huh, Double D?" dumpster lid pitches forward, closing. Ed: "Kinda funky, huh guys?" Category:Season 2 Category:Season 2 Scripts Category:Scripts